percussion of
the heart
Aging and caregiving don’t have to be isolating. Mr. Tan Kee Liam’s journey shows how Lions Befrienders can transform lives. From caregiving to percussion drumming, he’s found a new rhythm—one filled with joy, friendship, and fun. Come and be part of a community that celebrates every stage of life.
“In sickness and in health
to love and to cherish
till death do us part.”
These words are often spoken in marriage vows, but how many truly live by them? Caregiving is often seen as a woman’s role—nurturing, patient, and instinctive. Yet, Mr. Tan Kee Liam stands apart as a rare example of a devoted, full-time male caregiver.
For over a decade, 68-year-old Mr. Tan has been the primary caregiver for his wife, who suffered a stroke in 2014. Then, he made the life-altering decision to retire early from his job as an elevator technician, dedicating himself fully to her care. “I chose to retire because I needed to be there for her,” he shared, his voice steady but brimming with emotion. “It was a responsibility I took on without hesitation.”
His days revolved around his wife’s needs—taking her to physiotherapy sessions, helping her with daily tasks, and buying food for her. The early years after her stroke were especially challenging, as he cared for her alone, while their two children were still in school. “It was just me,” he recalled. “I had to be there for her, no matter what.”
Volunteers from Lions Befrienders Active Ageing Centre had knocked on Mr Tan’s door before, encouraging him to join their community, but at the time, he had little energy to think about anything beyond his wife’s needs.
Mr Tan and his fellow LB friends playing the percussions together at LB AAC @ TPN 434
A Love That Stood the Test of Time
Mr. Tan met his wife on a trip to Malaysia, where love blossomed. From the moment they married, he committed himself entirely to family life. “Before marriage, I would go out with friends whenever I wanted. But after marriage, I made a promise to be committed to my wife and our home.”
That promise was tested on December 24, 2014, when his wife suffered a stroke. At first, when she fell, they thought she merely needed to rest. However, as her mouth drooped on one side, alarm bells rang in Mr. Tan’s mind. Acting swiftly, he called for an ambulance. The diagnosis was clear: stroke. A month in the hospital followed, and she returned home in a wheelchair. The life they knew had changed forever.
The Silent Struggles of Caregiving
The early days were the hardest. Physiotherapy sessions multiple times a week, assisting her with daily tasks, and ensuring she was never alone. The physical exhaustion was one thing, but the emotional strain was another. She grew short-tempered and frustrated, struggling with the loss of independence. “It was hard for her to accept she couldn’t do what she used to,” Mr. Tan shared. “She’d get upset easily, and I had to learn to be patient and understanding.”
Then came COVID-19. Physiotherapy sessions were reduced, then halted. Isolation set in, and the progress she had made stalled. Yet, Mr. Tan endured, adapting as he always had. When restrictions eased, he ensured she resumed therapy. Slowly, she regained some mobility, moving around the house without a wheelchair. His relief was palpable, “Now, she’s much better,” he said with a smile. “She’s more cheerful, and we get to spend a lot of time together.”
For 41 years, Mr. Tan had lived by the marriage vows. To him, “Life is about taking care of those you love.” He even joked that he might have been a monk in a past life, given his unwavering sense of duty.
A New Beginning with Lions Befrienders
Caregiving, while deeply fulfilling, can also be isolating. For decades, Mr. Tan’s world revolved solely around his family. He had little time for friends or social activities, and his life outside of caregiving felt increasingly small. That changed when he discovered Lions Befrienders in December 2022. While out for a walk, he passed by NTUC and saw a booth raising awareness about the centre. “I heard about Lions Befrienders from a neighbour,” he said. “They told me the centre organises many activities. So, I decided to give it a try, and it’s been very good.”
When Mr. Tan first joined Lions Befrienders, he shared about his background, and we recognised that he might need buddying service to better cope with the caregiving situation at home. A staff from Lions Befrienders gently coaxed him to try out the activities at the centre regularly. For two years, this buddying service provided Mr. Tan with the support and encouragement he needed to reconnect with the world.
Before he knew it, he was attending percussion drum classes, moving his hands to the beat, laughing along with others. It had been so long since he had done something for himself. Slowly, he found himself looking forward to these sessions, to the chats, the laughter, the friendships that blossomed. “It’s not just about the music—it’s about the company. We follow the instructor’s lead, and it’s so much fun to move to the beat. It’s something I look forward to every Tuesday from 11 am to 12 pm. When I’m drumming, I forget about my worries for a while. It’s like therapy for me.”
Through Lions Befrienders, Mr Tan has also rediscovered the joy of socialising. He participates in outings to places like the Zoo, the Singapore Flyer and the Bird Park, enjoying the company of fellow seniors. “It’s nice to have something to look forward to,” he said. “I’ve made friends here, and I get to talk to people. They provide transport and sometimes food too!”
A Message for Caregivers
Mr. Tan’s story isn’t just about caregiving. Through Lions Befrienders, he realised caregiving doesn’t have to be a solitary road.
That self-care isn’t selfish.
In fact, if caregivers do not take care of themselves first, how can they have the strength and fortitude to care for others?
Today, Mr. Tan is not just a husband and caregiver—he is a drummer, a friend, and a man who found a new rhythm in life. Through Lions Befrienders, he discovered that caregiving does not have to be 24/7; there can be space for fun, self-care, and support. Because even the strongest caregivers need a space for connection and a community for support.
His advice to other seniors? “Stay active! We need more activities—things that keep our body and mind engaged,” he said. “If you don’t move, your limbs will become stiff. Simple exercises for the hands and legs can help keep your joints flexible and improve circulation.”
If you’re wondering how Mr. Tan stays active as a senior, just ask him about his percussion drumming! Watching his eyes light up at that, he is proof that life’s beat goes on regardless of age.
We hope that these stories would inspire you to reach out and touch the lives of others.
If you would like to share your thoughts on these stories, please feel free to email us at cp@lb.org.sgBe A Volunteer
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